TEEN ISSUES-----platonic relationship

Rav Moshe's famous Teshuva prohibiting m'doraisa girls and boys being friends is based on a statement of Chazal in Avos D'Reb Nosson, and a ruling of the Ran. Basically, it says that any friendly interaction between boys and girls is prohibited.

Rav Moshe ZTL continues by saying that there is no such thing as a platonic friendship between boys and girls. He points out that objectively boys should logically choose other boys as friends, - they have more in common, they are more alike etc., and not girls - and the only reason someone would prefer a female friend is because she is a female. And that is Asur.

Now Rav Moshe ZTL does NOT mean that every boy/girl friendship is for the purpose of lust. The dynamics of mixed gender friendships are so different than same gender friendships, and the reason is because of the subtle but oh-so-obvious sexual dynamic taking place between the parties.

When a guy and girl are talking, just observe how often they smile at each other, (with or without intent), how often she flicks back her hair, how often they make eye contact --- come on! – It’s so, so obvious that even though they don’t have any intention of ever “doing anything”, Hashem’s mechanism for guaranteeing the reproduction of the species is triggered here. Even in so-called “platonic” relationships.

And how many “platonic” relationships developed into something more? Do you think that happened overnight? Suddenly? Or did it develop slowly, starting before either party even realized it?

When advertisers want to sell cars, they put a girl next to the car in the picture. Now what does a girl have to do with a car? Guys can’t stand it, even, when girls drive! But it’s the reproductive mechanism playing around again – the guy’s brain thinks “Car. Girl. I like girl. So I want car.” Even an automobile ad isn’t platonic!

Store owners – especially fast food places – prefer that their cashiers be attractive, and that they wear makeup, because they know that guys say “keep the change” rather than wait for their 5 or 10 cents, much more when the cashier is attractive. The guy has no clue what’s happening to him. That’s the way guys are. That’s how Hashem made them. And so are girls, but in a different way, but that’s another story.

So the idea of a guy/girl friendship being completely free of hormonal input is bogus.

And I must reiterate that the prohibition here is NOT the words that are spoken. It is 100% permitted to speak to a women for a purpose such as business, asking directions, or having any essential discussion. It is the unessential, unnecessary, and especially friendship-oriented interaction that is prohibited.

This Halachic distinction is really obvious, but if you want to see it “inside”, it is explained by the Maharal in Vayera, 18:9. Where he explains what type of “talking” is prohibited with women and what is permitted. And he is clearly talking about totally “platonic” conversation, even between strangers. Rav Moshe is addressing a different issue, namely friendships between guys and girls, which he proves is Assur M’Doraisa.