Why is that when ever I daven hard, God never answers my prayers?
The could be a number of reasons why Hashem does not give us what we want.
Maybe what you are asking for is not really good for you....
Or maybe what you are asking for is incompatible with Hashem’s plans for what He wants to happen in the world.
When either of these two happen, your prayers ARE answered, just not in the way you wanted.
There is no legitimate Tefilah that is not answered. In other words, let’s say you pray for an ailing patient to recover, but in Hashem’s plan, this person is going to die no matter what. But let’s say that there is another sick person who Hashem decided may live, but he would need prayers. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough prayers to help him recover, even though he could.
So Hashem takes the prayers for the person who will inevitably die, and uses them for the second person, who has a chance to live. The prayer is never ignored. It is used in the best way possible, even if the particular thing you want is for whatever reason not possible.
I heard in the name of the Chazon Ish that the unanswered prayers of parents who saw their children go “off the derech” for Haskala at the turn of the century will ultimately cause other Jews to do teshuva.
In other words, the almost miraculous Baal Teshuva movement of the 60’s and 70’s could have been a result of those prayers.
There are other times, though, when a person’s prayers are disqualified, either because the person himself is deemed unworthy that his prayers should be answered, or the prayer itself was done in a less than proper manner. One of the reasons we pray with a Minyan is because it increases the chances of an unworthy person’s prayers to be answered. By joining in a group offering prayers together, his unworthiness may be offset by the status of someone else in the Minyan.
MODERATOR you said that if you’re not worthy your prayers won't be answered. So if you’re not worthy u might as well not pray because your prayers aren't being answered anyway?
1) Davening brings us closer to Hashem even we are not answered.
2) Davening itself makes us more worthy to be answered.
3) You never know who is worthy of being answered and who is not.
4) No sincere prayer goes unanswered. When we say it goes unanswered, what we mean is, you won’t get what you want. But G-d will do something for someone because of your prayers.
You are correct, that there is a Halachah that if you are 100% that your prayers will not be answered, then your prayer is not even considered a prayer, such as when you daven in front of Tzoah, where the Gemora says your prayer will not be answered, therefore you do not fulfill your obligation to daven.
However, you cannot make such a determination on your own.
The following are listed in Chazal as ways to get your prayers answered:
1) Davening in Shul
2) Davening with a Minyan
3) Crying during Davening (sincerely of coures)
4) Not speaking Loshon Horah
5) Having Kavanah and paying attention to each word
6) Learning Torah; being a Talmid Chacham
7) Learning Torah through difficult times
8) Stregnthening yourself in your Davening even though it is difficult
9) Having mercy on people
10) Doing Chesed
11) Doing the Mitzvos and keeping all the Halchos (if we listen to Hashem He listens to us)
We're an observant couple which moved from Israel to Canada because of various reasons.
I have been davening every day for more than a year and I ask that my wife will find a job, and even though she is capable of finding a job, she doesn't get one even with Jewish observant employers who instead take somebody else.
And I am just start to think why should we keep kosher and shabbat if we are not answered? I believe it should be two-sided relationship.
Because Hashem doesn’t answer my prayers I plainly don't want to daven any more. I think I made enough efforts. If He wants me to continue davening, I'd resume when I get a positive response.
The problem is, tefilah doesn’t work the way you think, and neither do mitzvos.
Do you really believe that you do not have a "two sided relationship" with Hashem?
Who gave you your eyes, for example? Did you pay for them? Did you earn them? Who keeps them running smoothly day after day?
How much would you sell your eyes for? A million dollars? Ten million?
Of your arms, or your legs, or your heart.
Who provides you with the air you breathe? The food you eat?
Do you not think that Hashem, Who gives and gives and gives all of this to you with no benefit to Himself whatsoever does not deserve a "thank you" in the form of Tefilah?
The word "Boruch" means "thank you". It comes from the word "berech" meaning "knee." Literally, Boruch ata Hashem means "I bend my knee to you, Hashem". Or: Thank you, Hashem.
He gives you eyes and all he asks is that you do not look in certain places.
He gives you a home and all he asks is that you put on a mezuzah.
He gives you food and all he asks is that you make a brachah.
He gives you a week of life and all He asks is that you keep his shabbos.
Even if you do not get what you want out of Hashem, you still have so much that you want form Him that even if you spent your whole life praying it would still be absolutely nothing compared to what we all owe Him.
But you are right - your relationship with Hashem is, in a sense, one-way. But not the way you think.
Hashem gains NOTHING out of your Mitzvos. He does not ask anything of you for Himself. All your Mitzvos do is get you closer to perfection, so that when your physical life is over in this world, you can have infinite, never-ending pleasure beyond your imagining.
There is nothing in this for Hashem. He has everything already, and your prayers and your Mitzvos do not benefit him in any way at all. They are for your good, not his.
Your prayers and your Mitzvos do so much good for you, and zero benefit for Hashem, your relationship is indeed one way - Hashem gives and gets nothing in return.
The reason he gives is because He loves you.
And as such, whatever he does is for your benefit. If He thought that now is the time for your wife to get a job He would give it to her. I know it is sometimes hard to understand why Hashem does not give us what we believe we need but we have to realize that He has no other motive other than our benefit, and so whatever he does is for the best. Only He, in His infinite wisdom, knows what best is.
It’s like the baby sitting on the floor in his back yard and suddenly finds a new toy - a broken shard of green glass from a beer bottle. He picks up the glass and starts playing with it. Suddenly he realizes that when he looks through the glass, the whole world turns green! He's so excited and amused by his new discovery - he can turn the world green at will - that he forgets everything else in the world and turns his attention to his new treasure.
After a while, his mother comes out and sees her baby sitting there holding this broken shard of glass right at his eye! She gasps, and, heart racing, quickly runs over to the baby slapping that sharp shard out of his hand, and firmly tells him "Never, never! Pick up garbage!” Boruch Hashem, she thinks to herself, that she got there before her baby hurt himself.
Meanwhile, the baby is angry at the mother. He can’t understand why his mother committed an act of such base cruelty!
Here he was, sitting and minding his own business, having fun - with a toy that he found himself! He didn’t even have to trouble his mother to get it for him! - And she comes out and for no reason at all, takes it away from him! And in such an abrupt manner!"
Hashem is like the mother, and we are like the baby. We have only finite knowledge of what’s good for us - spiritually and physically. Sometimes Hashem will take away something we think is totally beneficial for us, and harmless, but He knows better. And sometimes, it so hard for us to understand why Hashem is not giving us what we want, or why He takes away something so dear and precious to us. But we have to be high and smart and wise and realize that we are under Hashem's hashgacha and that He does for us only what is best for us.
There’s another thing, too. All tefilos are answered. Maybe not in the way you expect, but they are.
Let’s say you daven for your wife to get a job now. But let's say it’s just not in the cards for her to get that job. Meaning, it’s not best for her now. The tefilos you sent to heaven are not ignored; they’re "stored." So one day, sometime in the future, when you need something, and maybe you don’t even know what you need, or maybe you are about to make the wrong decision for yourself, Hashem remembers that once upon a time you prayed for something that you didn’t get. So He takes those tefilos out of His treasure chest of tefilos and "answers" them, then and there. And they are answered in a way that will make us so happy that Hashem stored up those tefilos and didn’t "use them up" when we asked Him to.
So don’t worry. Hashem will answer your prayers - He always does. And if He is not answering them now, in the way you want, that is because He is saving those prayers for something much more important to you.
So keep sending those prayers upstairs! They’re all, each and every one of them, earning interest until they can pay maximum benefits.
