For an enlarged, easier to read index click here . To "google search" this site, scroll to the bottom of this page. (This site is best viewed with "Firefox")

(Tips: F11 key enables full screen viewing & Ctrl-F to search the index)


MISC-----asking questions 2

ecskmi Posted - 20 May 2001 15:30

What I think Rachel is saying is- why in the frum would if you are confused with issues and don’t really understand why you should be doing them, or keeping them, instead of working with the problem, we are termed "bad" or "messed up" or something similar.

Why is everything for what they think should be right, what they think is best- they never look at us, what we want, it is all what they think or "know" and they deem us bad if we don’t keep with that

MODERATOR Posted - 20 May 2001 18:52

I hear you. I think part of it has to do with misperception, as you say, but part has to do with the fact that confused people often don’t say "Hello, Im confused. Can you help me?" but rather they just rebel without asking for help, so people think they're rebellious rather than confused. But often it's really the confusion that doesn’t let them ask for help....

RACHELJ Posted - 21 May 2001 9:01

Umm you sorta got it but just because I’m not exactly like everyone else and I have questions no one will answer does that make me bad??

MODERATOR Posted - 21 May 2001 9:58

Not at all. Questions never make you bad.

Just understand that even if those in your immediate vicinity do not know the answers or do not want to give them to you, that don’t mean the answers are not there.

If the reason "they" think you are messed up is because you ask questions that they will not answer, I suggest you start asking your questions to other people. That's what this forum is for, btw. Ask whatever you want. First, you're anonymous; second, here, questions are good, not bad, like the Mishna says "Lo haBayshan Lomed"; and third, no question is refused an answer.

RACHELJ Posted - 22 May 2001 21:53

Thanx moderator so here's a question no one will answer-if hashem loves us so much why does He hurt us to the extent we stop believing in him

MODERATOR Posted - 22 May 2001 22:33

Why wouldn’t anybody want to answer that? It's quite basic, really.

First of all, it's not Hashem's fault that people willingly choose to be ignorant of the way the world works, and think, in their lack of knowledge, that pain in this world is a contradiction to Hashem's existence.

It is nothing of the sort, really. Please see the "Basic Judaism" forum (topics I, II, and III) and you will see that suffering is part of the world-plan, and is actually a test to see if we will understand that everything Hashem does is for the best, and that we bring about our suffering yourself, through our sins.

Your question is like let's say you're training to be a boxer and you have a sparring partner. And you ask why your trainer, who is supposed help you win matches, put this guy in the ring with you who keeps knocking you down.

If you would really understand the purpose of the sparring partner, you wouldn’t ask that. You'd know that his job is to knock you down, to make you fight stronger and stronger so that you won’t get knocked down the next time.

So too the Yetzer Horah is here in this world to train you to fight him thereby making us spiritually stronger.

It's no great shakes to believe in Hashem when everything is going the way you want it. The idea of spiritual strength and Emunah is to know for a fact that regardless of the way things seem, Hashem is running the show according to His plan.

If someone disbelieves in Hashem because of the suffering we have, that is HIS choice, not Hashem making him do it. It’s like someone gave up the fight. That’s his choice, don’t blame the sparring partner. He could have gotten back in there and fought harder, be weak.

And without the option to be weak, choosing to be strong is not worth anything.

So because Hashem wants our choices to be worth something, for our reward to be earned, the choice to believe in Him has to be real.

So He gave us an option. Be weak and leave the ring, or stay in there and get strong.

Staying in there means learning about why there is suffering in the world instead of just assuming you know best about how the world should be run; and it means understanding that we as human beings only see part of the picture here, and that Hashem is running things according to His master plan, where, when Moshiach comes, all our suffering will be revealed to have been for the best.

Meahachuz Posted - 24 May 2001 16:33

That was amazing! Thanks moderator, I really needed that to keep me fighting.

lifeisbad Posted - 08 January 2002 18:59

I totally agree with you all. I’m labeled as a rebel in my school because I ask questions about god and Bechirah and stuff like that.

Teachers have gone so far as to kick me out and call me an Apikores for asking questions. They should just know that they turned me off even more than before.

About being labeled "messed up" I have that label too, and I didn't do the messing. I have many family issues that have made me the "messed up kid" I am today, but deep down I am still me and a nice kid, I have friends who are messed up whom I love dearly I hate the title it doesn’t do justice to a person

Shiffy111 Posted - 12 February 2002 17:54

The problem with our society is the lack of communication. Most parents don't know how to deal with these situations because they never had to. When a child is confused about certain issues suddenly they are messed up.

Teenagers will go through these kinds of issues through life and no one will understand them. That’s part of growing up. But all of these things will help you find yourself and in the end you'll be happy.

But what I can suggest for you is to sit down with your parents and explain them all your feelings, goals etc. Try to have them understand you and then try to explain them how you feel about them. Just remember don’t be secretive or it'll lead them also to think your messed up. Best of Luck!

funkused Posted - 18 February 2002 17:21

Why do people in the frum world refuse to think that maybe some teenagers are just confused? instead they look the other way, and enforce rules on you without telling you why

MODERATOR Posted - 18 February 2002 20:04

I agree with you guys. Adults often don’t know how to handle the situation, they often don’t even understand it, all the kid wants is guidance and to understand what they’re being taught and the adults look at it like rebelliousness. They (the adults) think that if this kid is questioning, or confused, or "going off" or whatever, and the normal educational system and community was not enough for them, there must be a problem here.

Often things get worse because the "alarmists" enter the picture - they can be shrinks, educators, or someone else. They tell the parent "Watch out! Your kid has the "warning signs" of rebelliousness. If you don’t get them in a "program" right away, they can go on drugs and of course soft drugs are a gateway to hard drugs, and its about time our community woke up and this can happen in the best of families and don’t be in denial and didn’t you see that issue of the Jewish Observer and the kid should definitely be tested and a professional should be called in, and also some teen hot lines and 6 organizations and you better d this quick while she's still young or else she will mess up your other kids as well..."

The entire situation is totally out of control. We have kids on these boards who write that because they took an extra shot of schnapps at a Kiddush their parents decided they are "at-risk" for alcoholism and sent them to some alcoholism people.

The panic out there is terrible. The problem is, the same lack of understanding that caused the problem, and allowed it to develop right under our noses, is still here, and now its preventing people from solving it.

And it’s just getting worse. People used to be complacent because they figured there’s no real problem; now they’re complacent because they figure its being solved. Sigh.

My advice: Stay away from the commercial and political organizations. Find a real, live, caring and capable adult, and let them try to help you. I know they’re not all over the place, but they’re worth looking for.

No comments: