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SHIDDUCHIM-----only a kollel guy?

CurriosOne Posted - 16 January 2004 9:18

Ok fine so I go to a bais yaakov school..and all bais yaakovs have one way of looking at shidduchim they basically say you can only go one way: a boy the learns all day...

But what if someone’s isn’t on that level of wanting a boy that learns or she likes a boy that would learn at least a little a day..and work..or go to college to bring home a parnassa why do all bais yaakov make you think one thing: learning...

Not everyone is cut out for it..even if they are a "bais yakkov girl".. and they try to brainwash you in a sense to make you think “learning learning learning" I mean of course it’s a beautiful thing if someone wants it..but I don’t think it’s the best if they just make a person want it..if really they don’t...

MODERATOR Posted - 16 January 2004 9:30

The BYs, I suppose, are trying to instill the best values within you. And without question, learning is the highest and best value there is. Torah is needed for your ability to receive Olam Habah.

Even if someone is not at fault, for example, they did not know that Torah exists, if they do not learn any Torah, are not going to receive Olam Habah.

Women, therefore, who are excluded from the command to learn Torah, need to receive their source of Torah from elsewhere.

The Gemora says that women receive the zechus of Torah through their waiting while their husbands and sons are in the Bais Hamedrash.

In other words, they receive their Torah merits via their husbands and sons. It's like the manager of a baseball team - he doesn’t play, but he receives his victory via the players. A woman doesn’t participate in the activity, so to speak, but she has a vital managerial role, and shares the victory of her players in Olam Habah.

Rav Ahron Kotler ZTL used to say that even if a woman knows all the Rambans, she is still a Torah failure if her husband is an Am Haaretz - and, of course, vice versa.

Of course, there is no obligation for a man to learn in Kollel, and thus no obligation to marry someone who is. But its like going to business school - they try to teach you to make a lot of money. No law says you have to, and no law says you have to be a successful businessman at all. But you can’t blame the business schools for trying - that’s what they’re there for.

So, too, the BYs are there to teach you how to be as wealthy as possible in the Next World. If you cant deal with the hours that takes, or the pressure, or whatever other reason, that’s fine. But you can’t blame the school for portraying it as the best goal.

So while you are right that not everyone has to marry a learning man, it is wrong to think that marrying a learning man is not a tremendous asset for your olam habah.

goodgirl Posted - 18 January 2004 19:16

Even if a woman knows all the Rambans, she is still a Torah failure if her husband is an Am Haaretz - and, of course, vice versa- if a girl doesn’t know rambans and her husband is a talmud chacham she is a torah failure?

MODERATOR Posted - 18 January 2004 19:17

No, the vice-versa is, if she does NOT know the Rambans but her husband is a Talmid Chacham she is a Torah SUCCESS.

yideleh Posted - 19 January 2004 3:16

I don't get that comment of yours Mod. She's a success if she's an am haaretz and her husband's a talmid chacham? You're saying that only if she doesn't know she is a success?

What if she does know? Then she is a failure?

MODERATOR Posted - 19 January 2004 3:18

It doesn’t matter whether she knows the Rambans or not. If her husband is a talmid chacham, she’s a torah success; if her husband is an am haaretz she’s a torah failure. The quote was meant to say "even" if she doesn’t know..."

yideleh Posted - 19 January 2004 16:42

Oh, ok, that makes much more sense to me, thanks

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