MISC-----dont be smarter than hashem

SooooNot Posted - 23 October 2000 15:34

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Here's a small part I did not include. I am a girl and he is a guy.

Now I know that it's completely not permitted to talk to a guy for anything other than necessities. I also know that in dealing with kids going off the derech you are supposed to get someone else (a guy) to deal with the person.

I have tried that- I have gotten someone to actually speak to him, but it didn't work because he's completely not interested in someone discussing frumkeit with him- he just wants a friend, and this person I asked couldn't just pop out from nowhere and become his friend. And I can't contact any of his friends because he doesn't really have many and those that he has are girls.

So, I still know that it's wrong, so I don't call him or anything, I speak to him online instead because that's not bad. Maybe I should make this clear-I'm completely NOT interested in him in any way whatsoever. I know that doesn't mean anything, but when we talk (and that is online of course) it's either about Judaism or something neutral. Nothing deeper. If I'm going to talk to him, I try to go online on a Friday of erev Yom Tov, so even if we aren't talking about Judaism I can wish him a good Shabbos (or a good Yom Tov.)

So I'm stuck, because I know he needs a friend, the question is what's more important- me not talking to a guy or him becoming frum. Maybe I'm just answering the question myself by talking to him online and by giving myself all these guidelines. (this is also maybe why I didn't mention this 'minute' factor in the first post).

So then I said that I won't IM him, I'll wait till he IM's me, but if he needs a friend-doesn't he need to think that I want to be his friend and that I'm not just waiting for his IM?

MODERATOR Posted - 23 October 2000 15:59

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“the question is what's more important- me not talking to a guy or him becoming frum”

What's more important is sticking to Hashem's plan. There's a very, very important principle in Yiddishkeit and that is that we do not own the Torah, we only fulfill it.

We are like bankers given the job to carry out Hashem's investment plans for the world. He tells us what to buy, what to sell, and we do it. His plans are fulfilled through our actions.

It is not our job, and we have no right, to invest Hashem's money differently than He told us to, because we think we have a better plan then Him.

We have no right to decide where to spend a little Torah in order to make greater profits for Hashem. That is His decision, His job. Ours is just to do.

Therefore, if Hashem says that girls should not be friends with guys - and He does - then whether his frumkeit is more important than your one prohibition of talking to guys is not your decision to make. You do your job. Let Hashem do His. Don't try to do second guess Hashem.

Who knows? Maybe you'll accidentally say one wrong word to this guy, so that when Hashem's real messenger to make him frum comes along he won't be interested anymore, and it will be your fault. Or perhaps you won't say anything wrong, but you just won't be successful, but when Hashem sends him his real chance to become frum he will not be interested because he "heard about it already" from you, and saw it's not for him.

You have a plan to make this boy frum. Obviously it's different than Hashem's plan. Hashem, by prohibiting you to be friends with guys, has told you "Stay out of this."

Believe me, it means more to Hashem that this boy should become frum than it does to you or me. And still He said "Stay away!". He has His plans for the world. Your investment strategy in this case is not part of them.