Note:

For an enlarged, easier to read index click here . To "google search" this site, scroll to the bottom of this page. (This site is best viewed with "Firefox")

(Tips: F11 key enables full screen viewing & Ctrl-F to search the index)

7.10.2006

CHIZUK-----to a "rebellious" teen


Q: I'm a religious girl from a religious family. I go to a religious school (out of town bais yakov). Inside I feel religious, and I consider myself very spiritual. But based on what I am taught in school I am a piece of dirt (to put it nicely).

I admit that I do the things wrong - I have boyfriends, I do break shabbos sometimes, and eat non-kosher and I have a tongue ring. My family is totally religious my mother covers her hair and my father has a beard.

I know I am going to burn in Hell forever, because breaking Shabbos means that you deny G-d's creation, etc. But I am a good person and do not harm people. My parents told me that in the days of the Beis hamikdosh they the Jews would have killed me for my sins and G-d will punish me. So now I am an evil person.

Does this mean G-d wants me to hate myself? Does this mean he wants everyone to hate me? I guess so, since I am evil.

So I guess my question is what's the use of a roshoh going to bais yakov? I would make everyone happier if I went to public school and was considered a normal teenager. My parents wouldn’t be so embarrassed because nobody would talk about me in our community, but I feel a connection to G-d. Please tell me what to do.


A: You're not evil. The only evil I see here is the attitude that someone who is constantly struggling with their Yetzer Horah - often losing the battle - is dirt. And I do mean "evil".

Quote: "There is an evil sickness (r'aah choleh) among us that when we speak about our Gedolim we tend to envision them in terms of their final stature. When we speak about the Chofetz Chaim, we marvel at the miracle of his Shemiras Halashon. Yet how many know of all the downfalls, defeats, and retreats that the Chofetz Chaim had in his battle with the Yetzer Horah on his way to reaching that level?" (R. Yitzchok Hutner Z"L, Pachad Yitzchok letter #128).

Rav Hutner continues with a posuk in Mishle: " 'Seven times the Tzadik falls and then gets up'. Fools think that this means the tzadik rises despite his seven falls. Wise men know [this comes from the Chidushei HaRim] that the Tzadik gets up BECAUSE of his seven falls.

"'And G-d saw all he created and behold it was very good'. Good - refers to the Yetzer Tov. 'Very good' - refers to the Yetzer Horah." . . .Please don't think of Gedolim who are one with their good impulses. Think rather of the greatness of the gedolim in terms of a terrifying battle with all of their low and dark impulses. . ."

Listen to me Racheleah - your fights with the Yetzer Horah make you nothing but a human being. Your losses against the Yetzer Horah make you a human being.

The glory that a Malach brings to G-d's Name is not nearly as meaningful to Hashem as the glory brought by you to Hashem - because you have to struggle and the Malach does not. All the Malachim in the world can not bring Hashem the glory that you can, Racheleah.

Life, the Torah tells us, is a struggle. We win some, we lose some. Maybe even we lose a lot. But we keep on trying. And - listen to this because this is the key - it's the TRYING, not the succeeding - that makes us great. And that only humans can do.

You've heard what all the ignorant people around you have said about you. Now listen to what the Torah has to say about you:

You know the Halachah that saving a life supersedes all Mitzvos: To save a life, we would take non-kosher medicine, break shabbos, and eat chometz on Pesach.
There are 3 exceptions to this: Giluy arayos(sever sexual crimes), avodah zarah (idolatry) and shefichas damim (murder). For the first two, there are special pesukim that tell us they are exceptions. But nowhere does it say that one should be killed rather than kill another.

The Gemora says we don't need a special posuk to tell us that. It's simple logic. If someone demands "Kill your friend or I will kill you", no matter what you choose, someone will live and someone will die. SO who should live and who should die?

Objectively, whoever is more valuable to Hashem is the one who should live. But, says the Gemora "How do you know that your blood is more valuable [to Hashem] than his?" There really is no way of knowing. Thus, since the person being threatened cannot take his friend's life, he must do nothing, come what may.

Now let me explain what this means. If someone were to come to the Chofetz Chaim and demand "Kill Racheleah or I will kill you", he would have to think "Who is more valuable to Hashem - me or Racheleah? Who should live?"

Then he concludes:

"I don't know who is more valuable to Hashem - me or her. Therefore, I have to allow myself to die so that Racheleah can live and fulfill her mission in this world".

Now imagine, had that really happened - had the Chofetz Chaim given his life in order for you to live - imagine the awesome responsibility you would feel to live up to your greatest potential, to fulfill what is obviously your incredibly vital purpose in this world.

Well the only reason that it hasn't happened is because nobody made the Chofetz Chaim such an offer. Or Rav Moshe Feinstein, or Rav Shlomo Zalman. But the responsibility, the lofty purpose and awesome value of Racheleach are all still there.

The next time someone tells you that you are dirt, it would do you well to remember that the person doing the name calling would have to let himself die that you may live, because who knows who's worth more.

And this Halachah applies to you, Racheleah, not when you become perfect, but as you are now. A rebellious teenager struggling and often being vanquished with her personal Yezter Horah.

And I want to tell you something: You're going to be held responsible in Shamayim for your awesome mission in this world, a mission that you can fulfill, despite whatever you've done yesterday.

Here's what the Gemora gives as an example of a very, very, high madreigah: Someone who fears Hashem as much as he fears people. R. Yochanan ben Zakai blessed his great disciples that they should one day reach this level!

Now listen to another Gemora: There are 2 types of thieves. One who steals openly (a "gazlan") and one who steals in secret(a "ganav"). The Gemora says that the one who steals secretly pays more fines, because besides being a thief, he also showed that he was more afraid of people than of G-d (since he hid from people but remained in sight of G-d).

In other words: A common thief is held responsible and pays for not being on the level that R. Yochanan ben Zakai wished on his greatest disciples! Every thief is held responsible not only for being a thief, but for not being the lofty Tzadik that he could be!

Forget what these people tell you, Racheleach. As a rabbi I'm telling you that the Torah is on your side - not theirs. The Rambam writes that everyone - even a rebellious teenager - can become a Tzadik as great as Moshe Rabeinu. And the Rambam calls those who do not believe it "dummies" (Golems). I am sending you, via private email, a copy of this Rambam with a little note I wrote in the margin. When the Rambam says everyone has the potential to be a Tzadik as great as Moshe Rabbeinu, I added "even Rachel Leah". Carry this with you if you like, and when you feel like "dirt", take it out, look at it, and thank Hashem for creating people like the Rambam who understand who Racheleah really is.

Please keep in touch. The people on these boards care about you. We would all like to share your in your glory, which we all know is sure to come.

No comments: